


I've Been Making Up A list Of Things I'd Do To You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, mentions of past dirk/jake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 21:56:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, I’ll bite. What the hell is Dave’s problem?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Been Making Up A list Of Things I'd Do To You

**Author's Note:**

> (for my own piece of mind, i wrote this imagining they're somewhere between the 17/18 mark but i'll tag it as underage anyway. also, sorry for vagueness about what’s happened and why they’re all in one place shhhhhh)
> 
> edit: since finishing a complete re-read of homestuck, i've realized just how much is wrong with this fic. so thanks for being nice about it, considering!

“Okay, I’ll bite. What the hell is Dave’s problem?”  
  
Rose glances up from her books, levelling him a look. “And why do you think asking me is going to prove more prudent than asking him yourself?”  
  
“Oh yeah.  _Great_  advice. Trouble is; every time I walk into a room, he walks out.” Dirk shakes his head in exasperation. “Has he said anything to you? Have I done something I shouldn’t have?”  
  
She bites her lip, hesitates before replying. “Not...you so much as  _his_  you. The pre-scratch version he grew up with. He just needs time to adjust.”  
  
“It’s been a month,” he says flatly. “I think if he was ever going to adjust, it would’ve started happening by now.”  
  
Rose shifts around in her seat a little. “Dave’s never been good with his emotions. Trust me, once he finally gets his head around you two not being the same guy, he’ll be fine.”  
  
He’s never seen Rose look so uncomfortable before. She’s barely even looking at him, instead preferring to stare unseeingly at the books in front of her.  
  
“What are you hiding?” he asks, eyes narrowing.  
  
“Nothing.” She turns a page slowly, runs a hand down it before sighing. When she turns her chair towards him and crosses her legs, Dirk feels like he’s been punched in the stomach by how much she reminds him of Roxy. _This is your daughter_ , he realizes for the hundredth time, dull pain starting to throb behind his eyes. He rubs the palm of his hand against his temple, willing the headache away. Sure, Rose is definitely a more sober version of Roxy, but it’s the little things that get him: the way she leans her head on her palm, head tilted away. And the physical resemblance is just–  
  
He shakes his head again. No time for a breakdown over all of this now.  
  
“Drop it, Lalonde. I know you’ve got that little book you carry everywhere and how you psychoanalyse everyone and make notes about them.”  
  
“It’s not my place to say,” she tells him quietly. Her mouth opens, as if she’s about to add something else, but then it snaps shut again.  
  
“Well he’s obviously not going to tell me, so I guess it  _is_  now your place to say.” He points a finger at her, trying to look as authoritative as possible. “And you’ll tell me right now, young lady, or I’ll...ground you. Or something.”  
  
She raises one eyebrow in disbelief; he raises one back.  
  
“Wow, sorry. That was pretty fucking weird.”  
  
She hums non committally. “It’s relevant, none the less. Although I suppose I’m more likely to listen to Roxy, as I never knew you when I was younger.” She looks him up and down. “You only being a year older, though, makes it more difficult to take you seriously.”  
  
“Right. Well, anyway, I still want you to tell me whatever it is that you know.”  
  
“I don’t know anything for certain. I just suspect.”  
  
Dirk laughs without humour. “Rose fucking Lalonde doesn’t know something for sure? Must be the end of the fucking world.”  
  
“Technically–”  
  
“Oh, let it go,” he cuts her off. “Just spill already so we can stop having this sufficiently awkward conversation.” He slides his hands into his pockets and stares at her expectantly.  
  
She flushes a tiny bit, and Dirk’s left feeling uneasy, nerves starting to twist themselves in his belly. He knows he hasn’t known Rose for very long, but it’s so incredibly unusual to see her looking nervous and embarrassed that he can tell it’s not going to be anything good.  
  
“I know you’re from the future and things there were different, and a lot of things that were controversial in our time were perfectly fine in yours, but I think this is probably something that was still taboo even from where you’re from.” She says it all in a rush, like this is physically painful for her and she just wants to get it over and done with. Like ripping off a band aid.  
  
He racks his brain for things that were still unacceptable in his time that could also apply to Dave, and comes up with absolutely nothing.  
  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he tells her truthfully.  
  
“Okay. Well, you might want to sit down.” She looks down at her lap, where she’s busy fiddling with her hands. He considers refusing, but figures she wouldn’t suggest it unless she truly felt it was necessary.  
  
“Did I, like, hit him and shit?” he asks in genuine curiosity, settling into the chair opposite Rose. He feels sick at the thought, but fuck knows what he was like before. And if that was the case, he didn’t know how he could go about fixing it. He probably wouldn’t even try – would just leave Dave alone to ignore him.  
  
Rose looks at him in shock. “No. I mean, you two sparred all the time, but it wasn’t physical abuse.”  
  
He slumps back into his chair in relief. “Thank god.”  
  
“Although you might find what I have to say worse.”  
  
He sighs. “Just tell me already, Rose.”  
  
She pulls her chair back into the table, spreads her hands out, palms up in a non-threatening manner. It doesn’t make him feel any better.  
  
“Please bear in mind that this is all just speculation on my part, okay? And if your immediate reaction is to leave and decide never to talk to me again, I’ll let you go but...I’d appreciate it if you’d let me explain at some point.”  
  
“Okay,” he agrees warily.  
  
Rose takes a deep breath. “I get the feeling there might have been something going on.”  
  
She looks at him expectantly, as if that’s meant to mean something to him. “Wow, thanks for detailed explanation there, Rose. Now it’s all cleared up.”  
  
“I mean...” she flushes red again, “their relationship may have been more than just brotherly.”  
  
His tries to process that but it doesn’t work. He tries again, and then once more for luck but nothing happens.  
  
“Nope. Sorry. I didn’t quite get that.”  
  
“ _Incest_ ,” she hisses. “I think they were in a romantic or sexual relationship – or maybe both, who knows.”  
  
“Incest,” he deadpans. “You think he and I–?”  
  
“It wasn’t  _you_ ,” she says frustratedly. “Everyone has got to stop thinking about their pre-scratch selves as  _them_ . It’s not helping anything. It was a different time, a different set of events, a different  _life_ . Sure, there may be similarities but at the end of the day, you’re not Dave’s Bro. You’re Dirk.”  
  
“Why would he – the other me, I mean – do...” his headache intensifies, whole head pounding now. He drops his head into his hands. “You’re insane. You’ve completely lost it. Have you been at Roxy’s alcohol again?”  
  
“There is no alcohol. I’m not intoxicated, and I’m not insane.” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve known him for a long time, and trust me when I say you probably don’t want to know what it was like where he grew up. It’s hard to say whether it would’ve been a healthy relationship, considering pre-scratch you knew he was Dave’s father, but Dave didn’t know. I mean, he wasn’t raised like that. Their dynamic wasn’t father slash son, it was brotherly. I have no idea if he’d been coerced into it, though, or whether they both mutually wanted it. And of course, this is purely speculation.”  
  
“How old were they?”  
  
“You don't want to know that either.”  
  
He groans. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to throw around incestuous accusations?” He’s still staring down at the table, trying to wrap his head around it. “Seriously Rose...”  
  
“Also the way he reacted to finding out we’d soon be meeting up with our post-scratch versions of our parental figures...” she trails off, looking away. “And the way he reacted in the dream bubble. I don’t know. Can you come up with any better theories?”  
  
“Well it's pretty fucking obvious he's got a problem with me, but I just–“ he takes a deep breath. “Say, hypothetically, it’s true. Now what? How do I even begin to work around that?” Regardless of their actual biological relationship, Dirk didn’t really feel like Rose and Dave were his children. Roxy was far more comfortable thinking of them like that, but he sort of preferred to treat them as a brother and sister. Which could just very well be an echo from his other life. “And why the hell are you not freaking out?”  
  
“For starters, it was slowly hinted at for years with me, not forced upon me in five minutes. And I guess I felt there was justification in it being called ’the last taboo’. I find it interesting, more than anything else, even if it is my biological father and brother.”  
  
“You don’t think it’s weird?” he asks in disbelief.  
  
“Do you?” she counters.  
  
He considers the question. Sure, he’s freaking out a bit, but it’s more the shock than anything else. He isn’t sickened by the thought, just confused. Which may be answering questions he doesn’t really want to be answered.  
  
“We’re not supposed to remember our pre-scratch lives, right?” He finally lifts his head, which doesn’t feel even the slightest bit better.  
  
“Not really. Only on a subconscious level.”  
  
He groans. “Fuck.”  
  
Rose’s eyes widen. “You remember something?”  
  
“No. It’s just – I’m not put off by the idea, you know? Do you reckon that means something?”  
  
She worries at her bottom lip. “You don’t want to hear it, but yes, probably.”  
  
“Great.” When he glances at Rose again, he notices the suspicious looking glint in her eyes and immediately stands up. “Oh, hell no. You’re not, like, experimenting with us or whatever. You’re sick, Lalonde.”  
  
Eyes big and innocent, she says, “I didn’t even say anything!”  
  
“I can hear the gears spinning in your head. Don’t even deny it.” He starts pacing the length of the room, whilst Rose ducks her head, ashamed of being caught out.  
  
“It’s  _interesting_ ,” she murmurs.  
  
“Seriously, what the hell do I do about this?”  
  
“We don’t know for certain yet.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure my subconscious does,” he argues. “Can’t you talk to him or something? You’ve known him for years.”  
  
“What am I supposed to say? ’Hey Dave, is it possible you were in a relationship with your brother slash father, and if so, do you know both you and Dirk are freaking out about it?”  
  
“Well I’d figure you’d have a  _bit_  more class,” he jokes. Then, more seriously, “Please. If there’s something like that going on here then I need to know.”  
  
“Why?” she asks. “Most people would rather bury their heads in the sand.”  
  
“I feel bad for him having to hide from me all the time. And it would be nice to get to know him, you know? Maybe we can have a healthier relationship here.”  
  
“Maybe he doesn’t want a healthier relationship,” she suggests, twirling a strand of hair round her finger and staring off into space. “I mean, your psychical bodies are the same. Maybe he can’t help but be attracted to you.”  
  
“Oh my god,” he mutters. “You are insane. Not only did you plant the idea in my head, but you’re trying to set us up too?”  
  
“I am doing no such thing,” she says. She stands, starts hastily grabbing all of her books.  
  
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He demands, finally stopping his pacing. She jogs over to the door.  
  
“To find Dave and hopefully get some answers. Next time you see me, we’ll know more and start from there.” She pauses with her hand on the door handle, turns to look at him. “And you really need to figure out what  _you_  want from him. If I’m honest, this whole caring-about-whether-someone-is-ignoring-y ou thing seems a bit out of character. Even if this is about Dave – who you’ve never known except from in historical references – it doesn’t seem normal for it to bother you. So, what’s your angle on this? Maybe your subconscious remembers far more than you’re letting on.” She pauses, taps the door twice absent mindedly, then hurries out of the room.  
  
She leaves Dirk standing in the middle of the makeshift library, and he wonders how the hell that conversation went so, so wrong.  
  
:::  
  
Thankfully, the ship is not a constant flurry of activity, regardless of how many people there are on board. It can get loud occasionally – like when people’s games get out of hand – but there’s always a quiet part of the ship somewhere. Dirk tries to stick to those places more often than not. It’s not that he really dislikes any of the kids or trolls, but he’s felt pretty disconnected from everyone recently. He spent the best part of three years being in love with his best friend, only to find that things didn’t work out in real life. They tried, but fuck him if anything had felt right between them. They’d managed to go back to being best friends without any real problem, and that’s the number one thing he’s relieved about.  
  
Apart from this new revelation, and how it might explain why him and Jake never worked out in the first place.  _Too busy being hung up on my genetic son, no big deal._ And seriously,  _god damn_  Rose for ever planting this seed in his mind.  
  
He tries to tell himself that it’s not actually a thing. Rose made it  _sound_  like it is but it’s really, really fucking not. He hasn’t spent that much time with him, but when he looks at Dave all he sees is a younger version of the guy he grew up sort of admiring. He’s apparently already done some pretty heroic shit, just like his ancestor, except Dave doesn’t really seem to have any of the negative aspects that  _his_ Dave had. Maybe it’s the same for him too; maybe pre-scratch Dirk had been a bit of a dick too. Or maybe he’d been a complete cunt, especially if he somehow forced Dave into something he really shouldn’t have been forced into. Bile rises in his throat, and he wills the thought away, tries to focus on something else instead.  
  
He’s still unable to sleep, but at least there’s only one consciousness now. Still, having his dream self awake all this time seems to have done him permanent damage: he still has a habit of zoning out unless he has something else to preoccupy himself with. He’s been known to literally get lost inside his own head days at a time. Now is no exception, and no matter how much he tries to steer his thoughts away from Dave, and from  _him_  and Dave, he just can’t seem to stop.  
  
It’s been two days since his conversation with Rose, and ninety percent of that time has been spent thinking about Dave. Rose hasn’t come to find him yet, so he’s assuming she either hasn’t spoken to Dave yet or that he hasn’t told her anything. He then starts considering the possibility that they had it all wrong, and maybe Rose just doesn’t want to tell them that they’ve only made it worse. He wouldn’t know what to do then anyway; apologize for them both being horrible, sick minded individuals? But then, he’s not even sure that he feels guilty about any of it, if there’s even anything to be guilty about. He keeps trying to come to some sort of conclusion: a definite yes, or a definite no, but all there seems to be is one big grey area.  
  
On the one hand, he’d never even considered it before Rose implied such a thing. He definitely hadn’t thought of his ancestor like that, anyway. But since bringing it up, it seems to have opened some sort of floodgate in his subconscious. There are parts of him saying that it’s wrong, but he doesn’t  _feel_  wrong. There’s other, darker parts in his mind that he can’t quite reach, but it’s like a dull memory of what it was like before. He feels love for Dave, love that is entirely unjustifiable in this world because he doesn’t even know him yet. Maybe he never will. But for the life of him, he can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, to push Dave up against the nearest wall and press their hips together, grinding against him until he can’t even remember his own fucking _name_ –  
  
He snaps out of reverie, cock hard against the inside of his boxers. He groans, rolls over onto his belly and tries to think about anything else that’ll make it go away. Instead, he starts thinking about Dave’s cock; he wonders how big it is in comparison to his, how it would feel in his hand as he jerked him off, how it would  _taste_ –  
  
His dick twitches, leaking pre-come. He hits his head against the bed frame, annoyed at his lack of self-control.  
  
This is going to be torture.  
  
:::  
  
Five days have passed since his and Rose’s conversation, and Dirk’s on edge. So when she grabs him as he’s passing the library, pulls him into the room and slams the door shut, every muscle in his body goes loose with relief.  
  
“I haven’t managed to talk to him yet,” she admits.  
  
He doesn’t want to stand around and talk to her, in case he says something that’ll tip her off to all the sex dreams he’s been having, as well as the near constant stream of thoughts about Dave that are becoming absolutely fucking ridiculous. _I wonder what Dave’s doing right now. I wonder if he’s thinking about me?_  He’s seriously considering going outside and throwing himself off the ship, because it’d be a damn sight more fun than this.  
  
He tells her to hurry up about it, and she gives him a concerned look and asks if he’s okay.  
  
“Just peachy,” he replies caustically, and leaves.  
  
:::  
  
That night, when most of the others are either asleep or very quietly doing other things, Dirk walks through the sleeping quarters. The halls are long, empty, and provide a nice scenery change from the inside of his room. He’s already walked from one end of the ship and back, but it’s his second time round that he notices Rose’s voice and is brought out of his thoughts. He pauses outside the door, which is just open enough to allow him to hear what’s being said, but not enough that he can see into the room.  
  
“–every time I see him, it’s like looking at Bro. I know they’re not the same person but.”  
  
“Why are you avoiding him though? Do you just not want to be reminded of your brother, or is it something else?"  
  
“Yeah, that, and everything fucking else. How am I supposed to be in the same room as my biological father, a guy who looks like my adoptive brother, the same one I was...” Dave trails off, and Dirk resists the urge to push into the room and  _demand_  that he finish that sentence. “It’s just too much, okay? I don’t want to talk to him and find out he’s a dick, and I don’t want to find out he’s _not_  a dick either. I don’t even know which would be worse.”  
  
“You’re afraid of falling for him,’ Rose says gently.  
  
“Oh my god, don’t fucking say it like that.” Dave says at the same time Dirk thinks it. He pinches the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up with the movement.  
  
There’s a lull in conversation, and then Dave says, “Why isn’t any of this bothering you?”  
  
“Dirk asked me the same thing.”  
  
“That’s not an answer.”  
  
“Well, besides from finding it extremely interesting, I just want you to be happy. And I don’t think you were with your brother.”  
  
“I don’t even know.”  
  
“Was it...” Rose clears her throat. “Did he take advantage of you?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Did he pressure you–”  
  
“No. Fuck no, Rose. I wanted it, he wanted it. Everybody fucking wanted it, okay?”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Why have you got that look on your face?”  
  
“What look?”  
  
“You need to work on your 'I know something I shouldn’t tell you’ look. What is it?”  
  
“If I tell you, it’ll make it seem like I’m trying to match-make you two or something.”  
  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
“When I told him my theory, he said it didn’t put him off. He went into shock, but I don’t think there are many people who wouldn’t. I also think he subconsciously remembers your pre-scratch relationship.”  
  
“Great.”  
  
“That’s not a good thing?”  
  
“Hell if I know. All I do know is, it complicates things, and right now the last thing we need is complications.”  
  
“We do still have a lot of time spent left on this ship, by the way.”  
  
“Yeah, so? That makes it even worse. Say we got to know each other, and something happened, and then it all went wrong. We’re stuck in the middle of no where on a fucking ship with a bunch of aliens and salamanders.”  
  
“I see your point. I also think you have nothing to worry about.”  
  
“Oh, well, if  _you’re_  okay with it...” Dave replies sarcastically.  
  
Nothing is said after that, and a few minutes later the door closes quietly. Dirk wonders if Rose used her witch powers to bring him here and listen to the conversation, or whether it was a complete coincidence. It didn't really matter either way; he still heard, and he can’t help smiling all the way back to his room.  
  
:::  
  
His question about whether or not Rose had used magic is answered when he goes to get coffee the next morning. She passes him in the kitchen and  _winks_  at him.  
  
He makes a mental note to thank her later.  
  
After coffee and a sort-of breakfast (the food they have stowed away is such a mismatch array that literally no meals can actually fall under the ’breakfast’, ’lunch’, or ’dinner’ categories), Dirk makes his way down to the library. He hopes to catch Rose there, but instead ends up finding Dave, Rose and Kanaya.  
  
Ordinarily, upon seeing Dave, he would immediately leave again. He figures after what he heard last night, though, that it’s time for  _someone_  to make the first move.  
  
“Hey,” he says, and Dave’s the only one who looks up. For the first time in his life, Dirk actually finds it unnerving to look at someone wearing sunglasses. The fact he can’t see Dave’s eyes should mean he can’t read him, but he can. He can read that shit like a fucking book.  
  
Dave’s hand twitches on the table, and he’s obviously more than a little surprised to find Dirk there, let alone actually _looking_  at him. But he’s also biting his lip, and a moment later when Dave looks away, he glances down at the book he’d been reading nervously. It’s none of this that bothers Dirk – It’s the fact he doesn’t know what Dave’s eyes look like under his glasses. He wonders if Dave has the same fucked up eyes he does, and whether they’re red to match his god tier outfit, which is looking much better today because Dave’s actually got his hood down for once.  
  
“Hey,” Dave replies. Dirk shakes his head, trying to get out of his train of thought, or else he’s just going to be standing there looking like a fucking zoned out asshole.  
  
Rose spares him a glance. “Oh, hello. You can help us actually. Grab a book, we’re looking for a spell.”  
  
“Any particular spell?” He steps up to the table, and it’s Kanaya who hands him a book. He only hesitates a bit before deciding to sit next to Dave, who immediately tenses at the close proximity but otherwise doesn’t move. A second later, he visibly relaxes and Dirk is starting to feel much better about the whole thing.  
  
“Dave’ll tell you,” Rose says. “I’m going to make some coffee.”  
  
She gets up and disappears off to the other side of the room. They both notice the obvious move on Rose’s part and glare in her direction, but she pointedly ignores them.  
  
“We’re looking for a spell that mentions the Seer of Light,” Dave says.  
  
Dirk flips open the book. “Aren’t there going to be thousands of spells mentioning the Seer of Light?”  
  
“Yep, but that’s the only thing we’ve got to go on.”  
  
“And how important is finding this spell?”  
  
Dave sighs and leans back in his chair. “Well, Rose thinks it’s a matter of life and death so pretty fucking important, I guess.”  
  
Dirk gives him a small smile. “So we’re going to be here a while then.”  
  
“Yeah,” Dave says. He smiles back, looking a little uncertain, and he wonders the other Dirk even fucking smiled at him before. “Looks like it.”  
  
“So how do we know we need this spell?”  
  
“The clouds told me,” Kanaya says, as if that’s supposed to explain everything.  
  
“The clouds told you,” he repeats uncertainly. Him and Dave share a look, and Dave has to hide a laugh behind a cough. Kanaya, who seems to notice, regardless that she wasn’t even paying them any attention, slams her book shut and then storms out of the library. Rose glances over from where she’s standing, and then looks at them accusingly.  
  
“What did you do?” she demands, and then without waiting for a response, follows Kanaya out of the library.  
  
In the quiet that follows, he realizes he’s been left alone with Dave for the very first time. He panics for a split second, before managing, “So is your sister dating that troll or what?”  
  
Dave laughs quietly. “Oh man, you have no idea.”  
  
:::  
  
After that, everything else just falls into place.  
  
They start spending more time with each other. At first, it’s just searching for spells in the library, and hanging out as long as Rose is there too. Eventually, Rose gets annoyed with them always whispering to each other when they should be reading, so she kicks them out and tells them to go do  _anything_  else, as long as that thing is not bothering her. They play the limited amount of games they have until they never even want to hear them mentioned again, and then they exhaust every other possible thing to do until they beg Rose to allow them to research again. It doesn’t take long for them to find a place in each other’s lives, and Dirk wakes up one day realizing he can’t even remember what it was like before he started talking to Dave.  
  
It’s been about three months since that day in the library, and up until now nothing much has happened between them. Dirk will occasionally brush his knee against Dave’s when they’re reading. One time, Dave had hooked his foot round the back of Dirk’s ankle, but anything more than that just seemed off the table. Dave’s started looking at him a certain way, a suggestive smile here and there and he  _swears_  that Dave is trying to drive him fucking insane. Dirk watches him touch his mouth for absolutely no reason, running his thumb across his bottom lip again and again, sometimes licking his lips when he knows Dirk’s watching.  
  
He’s also fascinated by the freckles Dave’s inherited from him. He’s not a big fan of them on himself, but something about Dave’s make him want to lean in and kiss every single one. He wonders if Dave has them everywhere like he does, or whether they’re just sprinkled over his nose.  
  
Dave also has a habit of bending over every available surface, whether they be counters or tables or the back of sofas. And of course, he can’t stop himself from thinking about what it would be like to fuck him in those places. On one memorable occasion, Dave actually presses his ass right up against him when they’re both trying to squeeze through the doorway to the kitchen. At first, Dirk thinks it’s an accident, but then Dave looks over his shoulder and just  _smirks_  and he knows he’s got a fucking tease on his hands.  
  
Late one night, they find an empty room and stretch out on the sofa. They talk about the most unimportant things for a few hours, but then Dirk just has to ask something that’s been bothering him for a while now.  
  
“Is it not weird for you?” he asks, staring out into the middle of the room. He knows that Dave can’t see behind his glasses, but he still doesn’t want to look at him all the same.  
  
“What?” Dave’s got one of Dirk’s legs in his lap, his hand pushing up the material of his pants so he can start trailing his fingers over the skin there.  
  
“I never knew post-scratch Dave but you...you grew up with the other me. Isn’t it really fucking weird? Because if it is, we can stop. Right now, no questions asked.” All the time he’s speaking, he’s distracted by Dave’s hands on him. Wishes they were in other places, regardless of what he just said.  
  
“At first it was, but...you’re not like him. You look the same but that’s about it.” Dave’s got his eyes trained on what his hands are doing. “Why? Is it weird for you?”  
  
“Not really. Like I said, I never really knew you.” He hesitates before adding, “I had this really stupid theory a couple of months ago.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I thought...maybe, we were sort of  _supposed_  to be together? But to get here, you needed to have the relationship with Bro for my subconscious to remember. Apparently I’m like him but without the bad bits, and you’re like post-scratch Dave without the bad parts. We needed those lives to make us who we are and to finally meet, you know?” He takes a deep breath. “And Rose being okay with it just seemed, I don’t know, like it was meant to be or something?”  
  
“Dude, are you talking about fucking  _soulmates_ ?” Dave laughs.  
  
“I’m trying to be all romantic here and you go and fuck it up,” he says, kicking at him playfully. “But seriously, no one but Rose can ever find out. I know the trolls are okay with incest and everything, but can you imagine what it would be like if any of the others found out? I know things are pretty messed up here but I think that’s taking it too far.”  
  
Dave shudders. “I don’t even want to know what Roxy would do.”  
  
“Kill me, I guess.”  
  
“Or plan our wedding.”  
  
Dirk laughs. “Yeah, maybe.”  
  
They lapse into silence, and when Dirk looks up again, Dave is half asleep at his end of the sofa. He nudges him with his foot. “C’mon kiddo, time for bed.”  
  
“Oh, wow,” Dave murmurs. “Never call me that again.”  
  
He laughs, puts his arm round Dave’s waist and leads him to his room. When they get there, they both hesitate, until Dave finally clears his throat and says, “Goodnight.”  
  
“Night,” Dirk replies quietly.  
  
Dirk doesn't think about it, just steps closer and tilts his head, leans down until he finds Dave's mouth. He feels Dave surge up into the kiss, and he flicks his tongue against Dave's bottom lip, hands on his hips to pull him closer. His breathing speeds up a notch, and Dave reaches down and rests a hand over one of Dirk's, before pushing it up under his shirt. They both shiver at the contact, warm skin under his fingertips, and he nips at Dave's lip, tugging gently before pressing another quick kiss to his mouth and leaning away.  
  
Dave whimpers. “You can't just leave it there.”  
  
He raises an eyebrow.  
  
“This is what you get for being a little fucking tease, Strider,” he says quietly.  
  
A sound to their left has them springing apart.  _Talk about looking fucking guilty_ , he thinks bitterly to himself.  
  
They find Rose leaning against her door frame, arms folded and smirking. “About time you two got your act together.”  
  
“Jesus christ, how long have you been standing there?” Dave demands whilst Dirk just shakes his head.  
  
“Long enough,” she replies. She hums, gives them a curious once over. “Shame your relationship isn't socially acceptable. You two are sort of hot together.”  
  
“There's already enough incest in this family, Rose. There's no need for you to go adding to it,” Dirk tells her, patting her shoulder as he walks past. He looks back over his shoulder and tells Dave, “See you tomorrow.”  
  
“This is so fucking weird,” he hears Dave mutter to himself, and he laughs.  
  
:::  
  
They're a bit more careful with where they decide to kiss after that. It doesn't take them long to work up to spending a lot of time in Dirk's room, wasting away the evening and nights with heavy make out sessions. He's glad that he chose to have a room that wasn't near anyone else's, and no one had argued with him because he never slept, so they didn't want to risk being woken up by him in the middle of the night. If anyone notices that both him and Dave are always missing, and always together, then no one says anything. They just assume they're hanging out together in another part of the ship, not doing anything even remotely incestuous.  
  
One night, when he's got Dave pressed to the bed and literally begging for more, he actually entertains the idea for the first time.  
  
He reaches out, slides Dave's glasses off gently. He doesn't protest when Dave does the same to him, and then they just take a moment to look at each other's eyes. Dirk had been right: Dave's were red and flecked with black, stark against the color of his skin. Dave raised his hand to Dirk's cheek, stroked a thumb under one of his eyes.  
  
He leans down and kisses Dave gently, tongue licking out and mapping the inside of his mouth. He presses line of kisses across his cheek, stops and licks at the sensitive spot behind his ear.  
  
“Please–“ Dave begs.  
  
“What do you want?” he whispers in his ear, tongue flicking out to lick the shell. Dave gasps and Dirk can't help but grind down into him. “Tell me what you want and I'll give it to you.”  
  
“I–I want,” he breaks off on a moan when Dirk presses his palm to the hard line of his dick, and starts rubbing him through his clothes. “I want everything, Dirk. I want everything you wanna give to me.”  
  
“Oh, I've got a whole fucking  _list_  of things I want to do to you.”  
  
He bites Dave's shoulder, sucks hard enough to bruise. There's already a line of purple and red marks there from previous nights; they can't mark up each other's necks or else people will start asking questions, more so with Dirk because Dave can just put his hood up. He's learnt to avoid giving him the opportunity though, because he spends the day with his fingers inside his hood, touching them and giving him these  _looks_ . He finds it difficult enough to go the entire day without kissing him as it is.  
  
He pops the button on Dave pants, and Dave breathes in sharply. This is brand new territory for them; normally, they just grind against each other until they come, but he's finally had enough of teasing Dave with clothes in the way. He shoves his pants down roughly, throws them on the floor, and then hooks his fingertips under the waistband of Dave's boxers.  
  
“You okay?” he asks. “We can stop whenever you want, alright?”  
  
“Jesus christ, I'm fine,” Dave says, sounding a little breathless. He pushes his boxers down himself, and Dirk makes a choked off sound at the sight of his cock, hard and curving up towards his stomach. He places his hands on Dave's hips, holds him down tight against the bed.  
  
“This is how it's going to work,” he tells him. “I'll keep going as long as you _stay still_ . If you move your hips then I'll stop, no matter how close you are. Understand?”  
  
Dave looks up at him, biting his lip. He nods, and Dirk trails his fingers up his cock, pressing his thumb against the slit, painting the slickness there across the head. Dave moans, hips thrusting, and Dirk stops and pulls away.  
  
“What did I just say?” he says quietly. “We can go like this all night if you want, Dave.”  
  
“Sorry. I–,” he pants. “I didn't mean to – I'll be better this time, I promise.”  
  
He hums, wraps his fingers around his dick and starts working him. His cock's jumping in Dirk's hand, leaking more pre-come, and Dave's groaning underneath him, desperately trying not to buck his hips. He's so close already, weeks and weeks of teasing have driven him to the edge in a matter of minutes, and Dirk leans down and presses a kiss to his stomach.  
  
“You've got one chance with this. If you move, I'm not going to do this again for a long time.” Dave's biting his lip so hard it looks like he might break the skin, his hands fisting in the bedsheets. He's not even sure Dave knows what he's about to do, but before he can figure it out, he circles his tongue round the head, hand still working him ruthlessly fast.  
  
“Mother _fuck_ ,” Dave grits out, but he's pleased to see that he keeps himself in control. Now that he's finally got him out of some of his clothes, Dirk notices that he does have freckles in other places, like his thighs for example. He kisses his way to them, then  _bites_ , making Dave moan so loud that Dirk actually has to cover Dave's mouth with his hand.  
  
“Shh,” he laughs. “You might wake someone up.”  
  
“Don't...care,” Dave says. “I'm gonna–”  
  
He moves back to his cock, gently licks at the head before taking him into his mouth. He watches as Dave's hands twist in the sheets, as if he's not quite sure where to put them. Dirk swallows him down further, uses one hand to guide Dave's to his hair. He gets the idea, grabbing a fistful of Dirk's hair to keep him in place, and Dirk flicks his tongue under the crown, hand stroking him even faster.  
  
“Oh  _god_ ,” Dave groans as he comes. Dirk feels the burn as it hits the back of his throat, but he swallows and works him through it, humming around his cock.  
  
Afterwards, they lay side by side on the bed, Dirk allowing him time to come down. When Dave reaches over, trying to work open Dirk's pants, he catches his wrist and stops him.  
  
“Not until I say,” he murmurs, but rolls over and kisses Dave instead.  
  
“I think maybe you were right,” Dave says, breaking the kiss and rolling onto his other side. Dirk settles up behind him, knees pressing to the back of Dave's, throwing an arm over his waist. The big spoon to his little spoon.  
  
“About what?”  
  
“About being made for each other.”  
  
“How romantic,” he deadpans. “Was it me sucking your dick that made you come to the conclusion?”  
  
Dave laughs. “I'm being serious.”  
  
“Yeah,” he replies gently. “I know.”  
  
He kisses the back of Dave's neck, then twice more for the sake of it. “Go to sleep.”  
  
“Yeah,” he replies with a yawn. “Have a fun night, or whatever.”  
  
Dirk just tightens his arm over his hip. He's not going anywhere, and they both know it.  
  
~end

**Author's Note:**

> wow, there are a fuck ton of things i want to apologize for here. 
> 
> i'll be the first person to admit that my understanding of homestuck is somewhat lacking. i'm currently on my second read through, considering the first time i may or may not have skipped certain intermissions and the interactive flash parts. i think i have a good enough understanding to get away with this fic, but if there's anything wrong that really pissed you off, i'm sorry!!! 
> 
> i'm not sure where the whole "bro strider/dirk's bro were dicks" thing really came from. i annoyed myself with that one, tbh, but i couldn't be bothered to go back and change it. also, apologies for essentially ignoring all other characters. at one point, i wanted to bring Davesprite into it but then i got really lazy. 
> 
> and let's not get started on characterization. i'm just really sorry overall!!! i hope you managed to somewhat enjoy it, nonetheless.


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